Write it down!
Whats the most frequent cause of problems when youre
playing with other couples and singles? Miscommunication.
Not being clear or having well-defined boundaries means
you are just leaving it up to each persons interpretation
of whats going on.
Thats why its important to have a written relationship
agreement. When youre in the midst of kissing and caressing
your new boyfriend or girlfriend you arent going to be
terribly successful at picking up on subtle communications
cues. If youre in the middle of an hour of hot foreplay leading
up to the big event, it may become extremely difficult to
remember what ground rules you agreed upon.
Now Im not saying that you should print it out on a card and
keep it in your purse or wallet, but I am saying that writing
it down and sharing it with your potential lovers ahead
of time means that there are no surprises and no expectations
beyond your boundaries.
Of course its important to remain true to your agreements
because thats how people grow to trust you when your words
match your actions.
Its not fun or sexy to write down your boundaries and your
agreements, but the resulting comfort, security, peace,
and relaxation means that the proper sensual and sexual
mood can be set. Its that nervous completely out of hand
feeling that makes for a jittery and not altogether sexy
time.
Some things you might want to consider in your relationship
agreement:
1.) Birth control / protection usage / condom commitments
2.) Who gets to play and when.
3.) How out are we to others?
4.) How you expect to be treated by your partners lovers
5.) How you expect your partner to treat you
6.) Are there any reserved or special activities
that should be confined to just you two?
7.) In issues where money is involved (such as club fees,
travel fees, vacation fees, regular room and board, etc),
how do you want to handle paying for things? If a partner
wants to do something with a lover that costs $$$, and the
partner cant handle paying for it, is it OK for the lover
to pay for the partner?
8.) How much couple-only time do you and your partner
need?
When you have a written agreement, you and your partner
can relax and know that many of the potential problems have
already been avoided!
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