Cunnilingus Tips
Less" is always the best way to start out if you don't
know exactly what a specific person likes. It's much
safer to build up from "not enough" than to try
to back down after shattering the mood by being too rough.
The final argument to ensure that you always apply this
rule is this -- If you start out "too" gentle/slowly,
in most cases this just excites your lover more, even in
the rare cases that it frustrates her a little. But if you
start out "too" rough for her, it almost always
turns her off to the whole thing.
The differences between women cannot be emphasized enough
-- no matter what you have encountered so far, always assume
that you have no idea what a new partner enjoys. It is entirely
possible to have had many lovers, and think
They are all pretty much the same or
You've learned all of the variations, and can tell
who's what.
But this can be (and usually is) just a matter of random chance...you
happened to get several similar lovers. Eventually you
will run into someone, or many people, who are completely
different than those you've known before.
A great book on the secrets and diversity of the sexuality
of women, my favorite on the subject, is My Secret Garden
: Women's Sexual Fantasies, and its sequel, Forbidden
Flowers : More Women's Sexual Fantasies. These books
are written by Nancy Friday, an expert in the subject of
human sexuality. The books are a serious but friendly analysis
of women through their fantasies. She relates the fantasies
in explicit detail, and reading them can be quite erotic
as well as informative.
Don't start by going down on her. Work your way up to
it. Exceptions may be if you're in a hurry before your
Press Secretary shows up, or other situations where you're
expected to act more directly. It's worth observing
that "work your way up to it" remains true no
matter how many times you've been with that lover.
With a long-term lover it may seem like you can get right
to the direct stuff, but working your way up still has the
same effect of increasing her excitement, with most women.
Along the same line of reasoning, don't start licking
her clitoris immediately, when you do get there. Start
with the area around it, which can be pretty sensitive with
some women, even if it doesn't seem to cause the same
dramatic response.
Even more important is to not immediately start inserting
fingers in her vagina. With most women, that really needs
to be built up, first. It usually doesn't hurt to build
up a little, even if she's already excited.
Remember this -- Most often, the tongue works best with
the clitoris, the fingers with the vagina/g-spot. Someone
else's fingers on her clitoris tends to be a little
rough, no matter how careful they are...and almost all
of the excitement she gets from attempting to lick into
her vagina is psychological; she can't really feel
much that way.
Hand Care It's best to be sure your fingernail edges
are very smooth, and preferably cut all the way down to where
they connect to your skin. No matter how careful you are,
they are likely to cause her to get a little sore inside,
or even really hurt, feeling like a knife cutting her. This
can even be the cause of soreness that she doesn't realize
is being caused by your nails. Being a guitarist, I have
the nails on my left hand trimmed back as far as I can cut them,
anyway. Guitar also gives one's fret-hand amazing
endurance and finesse, for g-spot stimulation and other
tricks.
Dental Dams These are, in most cases, just plain silly.
Unlike almost any other form of sexual activity, the odds
of you transmitting or catching AIDS this way are almost
zero. There are almost no cases of any female homosexuals,
for instance, even claiming to have caught AIDS this way.
In case you're wondering what the hell I'm talking
about, a "dental dam" is simply a condom cut
in half lengthwise and used to keep fluids from passing
between mouth and vulva. And it's being advocated
primarily by people who are simply jealous that they're
missing out on a great chance to be a "victim"
in the issue of sexually transmitted diseases.
Interesting note -- A little noise on your part usually
doesn't hurt, and sometimes it helps. Some women are
very hung up on cunnilingus, determined to believe that,
no matter how much you say otherwise (and she claims to believe
you), it may be at least a little unpleasant for you. If you're
excited by her responses, or by the act itself, don't
try to stay quiet about it. The same kind of sounds that will
reassure and excite a lover when they're pleasuring
you will often work when you're pleasuring them, too.
This could be considered a secret weapon in sex in general,
because most guys are rather quiet, and yet women almost
always find responsiveness very exciting. The contrast
between someone who's responsive and most of the other
guys makes it even more effective than it would already
have been.
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