What is the morality of on-line relationships if you are married?
I am a married man and I have been searching with some small
but important success for on-line friendships with other
women. The exact circumstances of my marriage, which I
could offer as an excuse for my behavior, are in a sense irrelevant.
To say that my wife has only been home three weeks since September
(and it is now mid-February) does not change the fact that
I am married and I committed myself twenty seven years ago
to love, honor, and cherish ... [my wife] ... until death
do us part.
Every day I am tempted to read through profiles, to send
crazy romantic email messages to beautiful women around
the world who might never give me the time of day at a party,
and to browse through luscious portfolios of perfect young
women who seem to be calling to me. If I have a few drinks,
I might dial a 1-800 talk-to-me service and try to rush through
some artificial cozy seduction to an orgasmic conclusion.
Afterwards I am ashamed, but completely confused about
the competing pulls of faithfulness and truth to feelings.
These events do not constitute adultery, but are they in
fact adultery of my will? I admit that I am giving up the loyalty
of marriage to search for a relationship where I can be myself
and give myself to a woman, even if it is only a matter of talking
about trust and intimacy.
My on-line friend is a married woman my age, from another
country. We talk about our mutual interests; actually
I love to hear what she likes which I know nothing about.
Its funny: I like the fact that she is different, really
different than me. I can be her silent partner, encouraging
her on with her goals and adventures. She told me she had
dinner with a new on-line friend in her hometown. I was jealous!
How could she do that without seeing me first?
Anxiously I rationalize my behavior by saying to myself,
Self you are learning to grow, and with these anonymous
encounters you are actually learning the first steps of
intimacy. Be patient with yourself. Do not be so hard on
yourself. Your wife is ignorant of your experiences, and
these experiences will be of ultimate benefit to your marriage.
Can that be a plausible justification for anyone besides
me? I wonder.
This cannot be an isolated experience or situation. Other
men and women must also feel the incredible pulls of desire
and responsibility. Are there others out there, in here,
who have been in this situation and can offer some perspective
on our fate?
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